Saturday, December 29, 2007
"That's a silly question...FOO!"
The title of this entry must be read as if Mr. T were saying it.
Let's pretend I sell lengths of gold chain from which bling can be hung. An OG asked me the other day, "How long is that 16 inch chain?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
But enough about the outside world. I'd like to talk about Home. Have you ever come home and walked straight into an explosive trap and didn't know you were there until after you were picking shrapnel out of your butt cheeks? I am going to take a clue from the brave soldiers over seas and use silly string to detect trip wires. I'll park the car and then deploy into the home front sweeping for IBSs (improvised bitching subjects). I know I have lost count how many times I've been "wrong" but why do I also get yelled at when no one is to blame? Of course I know I'm guilty of doing this (every morning from waking until 10:30a). I think when we are feeling especially vulnerable we should wear a t-shirt with the saying (that made that one jackass so popular that I don't know his name) "Don't tase me bro!"
God bless and be careful out there.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Down came the rain...
Our kitchen ceiling is leaking. Now this sucks no matter how you cut it, but the following is how it effects me (get your own BLOG if you need to work out your issues).
The wife discovered the leak. She immediately called my father. I was touched and I know he was too. But see, every time I talk my father about my back yard he tells me to clean my gutters. I could clean my gutters quarterly and it still not be enough, they just get filthy. I missed it this year and I'm sure it would have helped had they been clean but the foot of snow and ice this past week had something to do with it too. But Dad won't talk about that. I'm in for more gutter lectures.
After talking to my father she called a Handyman service to come out. This was an awesome move! I have heard about this before but didn't know the details or how to fix it or even where to start looking for the trouble. Handyman helped us out and didn't take all of our money either.
So now I'm up on the ice covered roof chipping at the ice dam and installing the heating wire to keep the ice melted. The wife promises she will check on me. I find I left the clips for the wire on the kitchen table. I don't want to get down because stepping on the ladder to get off of the roof is the scary part for me and I sure as hell don't want to do it twice. For 10 minutes I'm screaming her name and throwing chipped ice at the door trying to get her to come out. Then I resort to swinging the wire to hit the door. After 15 minutes (which on a cold, wet, icy roof is a long time) she comes out and looks at me like I am crazy. Don't get me wrong; I love this woman with all of my heart but there are times in a marriage when you just want to smack the spouse in the back of the head and give them the "WTF?" look.
Things are looking better now and I don't wish this on any one. My day off will now resume...as the sun sets.
Johnny got run over by a dump truck?
I'm all for everyone showing their seasonal spirit. For instance the van with a red nose and antlers. A famous pick-up around town with a wreath on the front. This year we saw a car with a light-up menorah on the roof rack. It is all very festive.
Then I see this dump truck who may be trying too hard. There is a sled (think rosebud - wooden deck & metal runners) on the front of this dump truck and the sled has a Santa picture on it. It found it as amusing as morbid. His other car probably has Donner tied to the hood.
Merry Christmas and for goodness sake look both ways before crossing or you might end up and Bubba's bumper.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
persistant progression
Let us pretend that I sell air conditioners (AC).
A lot of elderly people buy AC.
I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me share my definition of OLD people. Those who hate the young due to their youth. There unhappiness has aged them and turned them into curmudgeons, codgers, the kind who you would picture yelling, "GET THE HELL OFF OF MY LAWN!". Old people can be any age.
As I was saying, a lot of old people buy AC and from what I can tell the states that need AC the most (Florida and California) have elderly folks, or those who simply continue to age. These fine people seem to be happier. Perhaps it is that they decided that a new chapter of life started when they reached a certain age and moved toward the sun. The Midwest has the meanest SOB'n old people there are. Of course I'm generalizing since @$$holes can live wherever they like (for now) and as I said, be any age. My guess as to why old people are more common among the elderly is that they are mad they are not dead yet. And if they continue to be an @$$, I frankly can't wait either.
Here is to you people who are happy and try to spread it.
P.S. Wilhem, you are right. This does sound like a manefesto.
A lot of elderly people buy AC.
I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me share my definition of OLD people. Those who hate the young due to their youth. There unhappiness has aged them and turned them into curmudgeons, codgers, the kind who you would picture yelling, "GET THE HELL OFF OF MY LAWN!". Old people can be any age.
As I was saying, a lot of old people buy AC and from what I can tell the states that need AC the most (Florida and California) have elderly folks, or those who simply continue to age. These fine people seem to be happier. Perhaps it is that they decided that a new chapter of life started when they reached a certain age and moved toward the sun. The Midwest has the meanest SOB'n old people there are. Of course I'm generalizing since @$$holes can live wherever they like (for now) and as I said, be any age. My guess as to why old people are more common among the elderly is that they are mad they are not dead yet. And if they continue to be an @$$, I frankly can't wait either.
Here is to you people who are happy and try to spread it.
P.S. Wilhem, you are right. This does sound like a manefesto.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
oh the humanity
Let's pretend I have a job talking to people about....TVs. (I'm changing everything because if I say who or what I really do I can get promoted to unemployment).
This one gent says to me, "I have the volume at 32 and I can barely hear it."
I says to the gent, "Turn it up."
He says, "WoW!! Thank you TV man that is much better. Thank you!"
I says, "Wow!" too.
===============different story===========
Then there was another gent that says, "the TV won't sit right on the custom built TV stand."
I says (after much time and questioning), "Is it right side up?"
He says, "Wow!!! Thank you TV man that is much better. Thank you!"
I says (in my head), "Wow!!"
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Miss Frizzle is right
My first real week back at work. I'm doing OK but I'm making a lot of mistakes. It feels bad but as we all logically know it is the best path to growth.
I have a few favorite mistakes. Some are my favorites because I learned a valuable lesson. Other are favorites because they are hilarious (even if it is at my expense).
Did I ever tell you about the time I went on a job interview for a Summer position in the MIS dept. of the company where my Dad was employed?
I wound up walking into a supply closet when I was leaving the interview. Believe it or not I still got the job.
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